Catch me up in Your story...

(The song in the YouTube video is pretty much the theme song of my life currently!)
Today marks a very important day in my life. It is the last day I plan on living with my parents; it's the last day - for a while - that I will have much control over my life; it's the last day that I will have financial comfort;  Today marks the day that my life book finishes a chapter and begins the next. Tomorrow morning I leave the wonderful, small, quiet town of Mexico and move to Kansas City. I'm not going to lie, I've gone back and forth on if this is really what I'm supposed to do. I've gone DEEP in prayer for the Lord to take COMPLETE control of my life. And starting tomorrow He is definitely take all control of everything in my life. I haven't been one that HAS to have all control in life, but this next step in my life is a really hard one to take. I begin going under training with the Antioch Center for Training and Sending the moment I check in tomorrow. Once I get into this program, the Lord has specifically told me that the story He is writing for me is one that many try to take over and rewrite. I want to be so "caught up in His story" that nothing else matters. I know that some days, I'll be so tired and worn down that I will be ready to quit. But, we all have been given this task to make His name known throughout the nations (in some measure). My heart's desire is to reach the most unreached/restricted nations with the knowledge of Jesus Christ. How sweet is it that we GET to proclaim who He is and how GOOD He is?! The God we serve is like no other!
I recently listend to a sermon on Matthew 8. In this sermon, the guy brought up the reality that in EVERY area of our life - good and bad - God wants you to let Him become LORD over it, over it ALL! What brings you joy, what makes you sad, what you struggle with - lust, pride, insecurity, etc. - what ever emotion you are dealing with, GIVE HIM THE POWER OVER IT! We have two options: we can either dwell in the evil, or REST in His peace. Allowing Him to become Lord over every area of your life isn't easy. Being human, we want to become our own lord over those things. I know in my own life I get into this place where I'm even embarrassed/ ashamed to give it to Him. It allows defeat in the battle of life. Having to give up our power to Him is difficult, but the outcome is much more beautiful. I'm listening to the prayer room right now and the line being repeated is "You want to give more than we ask or think, let Your Word run!" We have no idea how much the Lord wants us to give up our understanding of this world so that He can show us much greater things than we can ever do ourselves. Please be praying for me. Specifically that daily I am able to give up EVERYTHING to the Lord. That He remains Lord of my life. I still need all of the money for my outreach portion of this program, I know He will provide; but prayer is appreciated. May he "put me anywhere and put His glory in me."  Thank you for being apart of my story, the Lord is writing a pretty sweet one for me!

Blessings!
Conrad

God, the Father

The Lord has been pressing on my heart recently to understand the true love that wins. It scares me to think that there are believers being led down a path believing a false doctrine. Definitely allows one to believe that the day of Jesus' return is quickly approaching with the false prophets and other things occurring. I've recently been taunted with the thoughts that I'm just not good enough for Jesus to welcome me into His courts. I mean, daily I fail Him. But then I'm gently reminded that no one is worthy of it, but it's His mercy and grace that allows for us ugly, nasty, filthy people to hold onto the fact that one day we will be able to be without spot or blemish and simply worship Him.
As the days get closer to ACTS beginning, the anticipation grows more and more. I am still in need of quite a bit of money. Somedays I tempted to think, even, that I made the wrong decision for doing ACTS and that I should've done camp. But then I slap myself in the face and say, "dude, you're dumb. Jesus has so much more planned for you!"
I have a prophetic word written in my journal the was given a few months ago that was much needed yesterday. As many know, my relationship with my father is definitely not the greatest. Pretty much my whole life he has abandoned me. After having a conversation with him yesterday (first since February), we came to the mutual agreement that our feelings toward each other are retaliation and bitterness. Every time in the past, when we would come to mutual agreements on how our relationship needed improvement, he would disappear. After much prayer and consideration, I've decided that to protect my heart and relationship the Lord has so generously given me, my dad and I need to take some steps away from each other. I could be wrong, but I believe that it is what I have to do. I can't continue living in this unhealthy relationship pouring my heart out and being crushed each time. Sometimes, to be able to mature as an individual, we must, not ignore and forget,  but step back from certain individuals. 
The word that I read in my journal was this: "I hear the Father saying, he's asking, 'Will you really trust me? Do you believe that I'm really able to keep you? Do you believe that I'm really able to provide for you? Do you trust me? Though you can't see in front of you and you don't know what's ahead, what's coming. Will you believe that I'm a good good Father and that I'm able to keep you and provide for you. Oh leave the worry aside, my child! Let me lead you. Oh will you hand over the pen of your life and let me write your story. I'm longing to lead you and I'm longing to write out a beautiful story, a beautiful journey. Hand over the keys of your life. Would you let me lead you, let me guide you. Let go! I promise you can trust me! I know that all your life you've had to fight for yourself. You've had to prove yourself you don't have to do that with me. I'm here to fight and provide for you I'm here to be your father. I'm not like the father you know. I will give you all that you need. I'll write a really good story for you. I love you. Will you trust me? Will you let me give you all that you need? Just open your heart! Open your heart and just believe!'"