The Lord has been pressing on my heart recently to understand the true love that wins. It scares me to think that there are believers being led down a path believing a false doctrine. Definitely allows one to believe that the day of Jesus' return is quickly approaching with the false prophets and other things occurring. I've recently been taunted with the thoughts that I'm just not good enough for Jesus to welcome me into His courts. I mean, daily I fail Him. But then I'm gently reminded that no one is worthy of it, but it's His mercy and grace that allows for us ugly, nasty, filthy people to hold onto the fact that one day we will be able to be without spot or blemish and simply worship Him.
As the days get closer to ACTS beginning, the anticipation grows more and more. I am still in need of quite a bit of money. Somedays I tempted to think, even, that I made the wrong decision for doing ACTS and that I should've done camp. But then I slap myself in the face and say, "dude, you're dumb. Jesus has so much more planned for you!"
I have a prophetic word written in my journal the was given a few months ago that was much needed yesterday. As many know, my relationship with my father is definitely not the greatest. Pretty much my whole life he has abandoned me. After having a conversation with him yesterday (first since February), we came to the mutual agreement that our feelings toward each other are retaliation and bitterness. Every time in the past, when we would come to mutual agreements on how our relationship needed improvement, he would disappear. After much prayer and consideration, I've decided that to protect my heart and relationship the Lord has so generously given me, my dad and I need to take some steps away from each other. I could be wrong, but I believe that it is what I have to do. I can't continue living in this unhealthy relationship pouring my heart out and being crushed each time. Sometimes, to be able to mature as an individual, we must, not ignore and forget, but step back from certain individuals.
The word that I read in my journal was this: "I hear the Father saying, he's asking, 'Will you really trust me? Do you believe that I'm really able to keep you? Do you believe that I'm really able to provide for you? Do you trust me? Though you can't see in front of you and you don't know what's ahead, what's coming. Will you believe that I'm a good good Father and that I'm able to keep you and provide for you. Oh leave the worry aside, my child! Let me lead you. Oh will you hand over the pen of your life and let me write your story. I'm longing to lead you and I'm longing to write out a beautiful story, a beautiful journey. Hand over the keys of your life. Would you let me lead you, let me guide you. Let go! I promise you can trust me! I know that all your life you've had to fight for yourself. You've had to prove yourself you don't have to do that with me. I'm here to fight and provide for you I'm here to be your father. I'm not like the father you know. I will give you all that you need. I'll write a really good story for you. I love you. Will you trust me? Will you let me give you all that you need? Just open your heart! Open your heart and just believe!'"
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