Being Steadfast.

"Thank you for your kindness, thank you for your mercy, thank you for your gentleness. You're so patient with me" Work project today..... Pick up trash around the perimeter of Walmart then push carts.I secretly kind of enjoyed it - I got to be alone and pray all day. It's been a pretty good day. I got a nice tan and a good workout. While praying, I was just throwing out a lot of frustration at the Lord. I've recently found myself in this place of thinking that maybe, just maybe I'm not cut out for this life the Lord has called me into. I haven't felt that I've given enough to Him for Him to provide for me. I mean, why would the Lord grant me $7000 while everyday I slap Him in the face? Maybe I messed up too many times and the Lord is giving my task to someone else, someone that can handle it more efficiently. I was acting childish, I was frustrated with myself so much that I wasn't satisfied with the thought that I could still be rewarded the opportunity to serve the Lord in a foreign nation. After much prayer to the Lord, everything in me was quieted - an experience I can't explain any other way. I felt as if the Lord wanted me to know that He still has this for me. There is NOTHING in this world that He CAN'T overcome. He asked me if I still trusted that he will provide for me. Of course I said yes. But he wanted me to go deeper, He asked for me to put EVERYTHING aside and just let Him do it. He is working on gaining my trust, that I would trust that He will provide even in the dry season. I am still going through a season of refining and refreshing and in this season, He wants us to know that He is the One who will provide; that He is the One that will "shepherd [us] and lead [us] to living fountains of waters. And will wipe away EVERY tear from [our] eyes" (Revelation 7:17) Going through Peter's epistles has brought light into a lot of darkness in my life. 2 Peter 3: 17-18 says, "You therefore, beloved, since you know this beforehand, beware lest you also fall from your own steadfastness, being led away with the error of the wicked, but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen." What I want, and what I know the Lord wants out of me is to do just that, "grow in the grace and knowledge of Him." I am willing to lay everything aside and follow Him. I trust that if His desire is for me to go into the darkest nations and let His people know who He is, then He will perfectly provide the way for me to do so. Sure, I will have to work hard still, and I can't just sit around expecting it all to come to me. This life I want to live is going to be hard (but the end result will be worth it!). Things cant just happen as soon as we want them to all the time. If it worked that way, we wouldn't necessarily need to put our faith in Jesus. I have a little more than a month until I begin ACTS and right now, I am satisfied in knowing that the Lord is going to bring in everything I need to do this. I'm giving it to Him. That's really all we can do right?